Lucifer

oh shut up yo punk

funky groove, you chilling

what’s ya tryin to prove

sue self ass or bury alive.

whats my options nigga

worse or worst, choose nigga,

how can i explain this shit

to myself and not underestimate

the fate god put me face on Earth?

tastes yack but still lasting

spit it out, just let it go

sacred soul he put inside me

scared soul i manage to turn it

burned and no chance for cure

sure i hold on but for how long

going back was never an option

but turning right seems wrong

and turning left cant be right

but there is no road in my sight

when all lights turned out

explain how to stop standing

i listen carefully

cause im out of wisdom

homie i need help, stop yelling shit.

so lets pretend for a moment

im your shrink

you’re lunatic who stinks

sinking progress is on

lets process it ‘fore it’s too late.

 

i dont know how to talk,

i know words, i know sentences

but saying out loud is pointless,

you never understand my mind,

how i formulate feeling

you never even heard of?

and even if i can, you dont accept it,

you lose your nerve and yell at me,

“pull your shit together,”

i dont need to hear that shit,

i fall down and think about leaving ‘lone,

solitude seems good but is it really so,

looking in the mirror, bleeding,

feeling fear of being without

love you should bring in life

of a man that’s simply unwanted,

seems like i dont believe in love

but love is foundation i build on.

 

sorry i must say some

seems you have issues you dont discuss

blessings cant come if you refuse to give chances

maybe first time there’s let down

maybe even second and third

but once it comes you feel happiness

mess slowly dies and pureness comes alive,

you know she deserve it.

 

i fucking tried, i did, i promise

i gave too many chances, six or seven

wasnt enough, i cant keep moving forever

one day comes a point where i stop

she’s moving away and i cant keep chasing, today

i played my hand well, she lost all savings she ever saved

i would punish myself if i turn back and let one choke me do death once again

it’s too late for erasing a mistake

i wish i could turn clock back

i cant and its time to accept.

 

you sure you can live without her?

you sure you can live at all when support she had will never be behind your back?

think twice, nah, think twenty six times before telling her fuck off

such things you cant take back

it makes harder to live after words come out

consquences will kill you slowly, more painfully than you could ever imagine.

 

i know, i do know that, i know, thats why i am crying like little girl trying to figure out

how should i proceed and which could succeed more and how we both can less bleed

and stop speed which rush us to Lucy’s.

 

we’ll finish right now

come back tomorrow

we will find solutions.

walking streets endlessly

thinking over and over

every situation we were in

what went south and what went well

hell is  behind the door

i saw his face earlier and im scared

i am so scared

fear of feeling nothing

something i wanted but really?

everything will be ordinary

and colours will fade away

im becoming one i was running away

day by day i cant recognize myself

its too late but i wont give up

i dont want to die

but being alive on Earth sucks more for sure.

 

inner self introduces itself

im angry motherfucker

this lifeshit you talk about

fuck you homie, you weak

you weak homie

you cant tolerate other humans

how someone can like you ever

if you cant even love truly forever

motherfucker you pushed her away

look in my eyes, you see i cry

why nigga, why, why do you need to kill me every time i open my soul

cant you see im hurting

i give you my ultimate levels

you dont even understand when its time to shut up and enjoy

oh boy, i was so wrong, you no special like you tell every living one

fuck you, i close this time and opening is off topic now

motherfucker talking kindly, i hate you, i hate you,

you’re the worst there are,

motherfucker suicide is only thing you can do now.

 

voices come and go, maybe i hallucinate, maybe not

what’s the differance anyway

if i do as he says im cray but if i talk back then im just analyzing

i guess im losing it this time for real

booze cant really heal a man

but loose ends might grow back together with little burboun in vains

at least it gives more time to catch soul who’s running like Usain

brain cancer or some disorder who knows

im no diagnostician

healthy approuch didnt work, i try some else

lets see where i end up.

knocking on the door again

seven in the morning why am i here

fuck i cant leave now

he opens up, Lucy as it’s finest.

 

u ready boy? come in, lets talk

and recruitment starts again

i did all paperwork for transfering you here

just say yes and we welcome you home

dont hesitate, live forever where no fear is bigger than you

where you rule the world how ever you fit best

say you want it, say you need it

accept faith, you belong among us.

 

hold on for a sec, i might be ready but help me choose by listening my troubles

at least one last time

lets pretend one more time, you are shrink

i am just another sinking soul who thinking about leaving into hole.

okay, fine, i hear you, proceed young homie, let see what ya got.

i am two face motherfucker

when im high im king and when i fall im just another hopeless thing

i have dreams i dream and i have fears and failures i deal with

i am loyal and i can betray anyone as quick as i blink

i lie every day endlessy and tell truth about everything

i know right and i know wrong, but i know no difference they present

at least sometimes, even more

i dont deserve life, i dont deserve love she could pass me on

i deserve pain without possibility to laugh it off

i know determination is everything but all i want is terminate myself

well minded and educated but seeing no purpose of breathing

ignorance must be bliss, hell fits me best.

 

i see you, if i could live i would smile right now and say good boy

but hell nah, we in the darkness nigga, come through that door

and going back i just another hopeless dream you never achieve

we need you here, well educated and smarter than most of them

we want you here, you are the asset for every single soul in here

now its your turn to say you want us, you need us

you know its true.

 

nah i need more time, i need forgiveness from her

i need peace to slowly fade away

i cant go away like this

i come back tomorrow with a yes

give me twenty four hours to get this straight.

where should i start

what will i say to her

i cant formulize any sentences that can make any sense

situation so tense

hands shaking and i hope she responds the way i could find peace

honey, listen, i know i hurt you a lot by not doing everything for us

i know last time i went for easy route just to stay alive

but im leaving with next train and never coming back

thats reality

please forgive me all my sins

i didnt get all the hints you left me

i didnt hear all the whispers there were behind walls

but i did love you truly, i did try to maintain our relation

you were everything i needed every day i went to sleep

you were my healing component i needed

i need it right now too but i already sold my soul to coldness

i made mistakes and sometimes i drowned them in bottles

but all because i love you more than self and i couldnt accept your absence

i know im no position for asking your forgiveness

but i cant step in that carriage if you cant say you dont hate me

i hate myself for destroying us with my neediness and love that was selfish

i hope you pass this stage and smile after months go by

you will find one who deserves and loves you like you are

because i only loved you like you were when i felt secure

everytime i misplaced my happiness i blamed your ass

i must go regardless you say, train’s leaving and i cant miss it.

knock knock, where’s lucy

im here to say yes

slowly sway to hell

and never look back

im here to serve the purpose.

 

im sorry who you are

its dry cleaning and monday morning

go away you crazy man

or i will call police officer.

 

what a fuck just happend

where is lucy

where am i

i cant stay here,

i already stepped off

i cant blend in nowhere

i cant be pending between two worlds

fuck me, i was late

i must pay my debt

acceptance,

living forever like Davy Jones

fuck me

i need some sleep

im falling into deep blindness

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