I’m struggling

living in this simulation

closed imagination

having potential

but unable to reach most of

only 10% available

although I choose to use

only percent or two

I’m struggling

living in this population

I’m deviating from this course

while having zero acceptence

it’s time to trust instincts

without fearing resistance

I could open my soul

to search for new options

which might not be well-liked

until years from now

when reality is catching up


How do you keep yourself alive?

“I live in illusion like everyone else.”

Bad Dreams


I’m come home early

close all curtins

and switch off lights

to get lost in darkness


after I’m lost

I see my true self

in the mirror

where hiding isn’t the case

I see my frightened self

who doesn’t know

how to breathe healthy


I feel so insecure

and seeing weeknesses

I fall deeper and deeper

from where coming back

isn’t marked on map


I give up

and don’t find the way back

feeling so dead

so demolished

that being with demon

feels like floating in heaven

But sometimes

It is just a bad dream.

So No

If you stay with me

I never fall short

If you stand by me

I never fall down

If you care and love

I will be happiest.

You said that.


I believed, I did.

Now I know.

So No.


I’m sorry

this shit is crazy

face drowned in bottles

mind escapes from troubles

possible outcome i’m searching

just answer me back

let me know you’re ok

i’m worrying, i care

it’s not fair you punishing me

you vanished, me too

please forgive me

dont say you feel resentment

dont hate, love me

i know i did wrong

i had obsticles and setbacks

i had fear that controlled me

all i did was out of love

all i didn’t was me being scared

i love in the bottom of my heart

life is unbearable in my behalf

you said i have keys to happiness

but i’m weak and hopeless

come to me and save my soul

take away my restless mind

i am sorry i couldn’t give

my energy and time

my thoughts and spirit

it wasnt in purpose

i was just being prisoned by demon

i have all goods in me

i will show you one day

after prison escape is done

i love you truly

maybe it’s not my perspective

just me being empathetic


Struggle must be real

even though I question it still.

Fill the blanks, help me understand.

Why standing tall and acting tough,

having realness in self

and believing truly,

being good and faithful,

puts me through a struggle

I never signed for?

Full of gold deep inside,

tresure box with skin,

hidden from world,

following His path blindly,

I took the winning groove,

I didn’t choose to lose,

I went to school,

I did what You asked.

Is this the price you promised,

poverty and noose,

cold heart with blood,

stressed mess in spirit?

Try find positive vibes

when times are so cruel.

I count pennies every day

while trying to provide food,

imagine if I’m not solo,

how should I feed plus one

when having troubles eatin’ lone?

Problems don’t stop,

some how I need to save too

for the worst days

when moneyflow stops.

It’s not a game where you restart,

it’s a life where are no stops,

every day is a struggle, more or less.

Ideally I ain’t spineless,

I fight through, I’m an alien.

You give me obstacle,

I’m giving you demolition.

Fuck you and your lessons,

I’m tired, your Hines.

Give me some love from above,

give sun and rainbows,

give fresh air and warm breeze,

give summer please,

cut this winter shit

where is no snow in sight,

be little more gentle.

Mental illness is underrated,

I rather be ill than livin’ in blindness,

struggle is unconsious,

programmed by multiple generations,

I am the face of my ancestors.

Judge less, appreciate life itself,

I am the highest, I must flourish mentally,

I am God within me

and only God can judge me,

vice versa.

It all starts from me,

some day I will win,

no question about it.



we all have it,

hidden or let loose,

no way around it.

Attack full of panic,

I had only one wish – vanish!

I acted as I was insane,

adrenaline rush in my vains,

I tried to run away.

Fear has two meanings –

forget everything and run

or face everything and rise,

the choice is yours.

Like Mr. Air said:

“Limits like fear or failure

are often illusions in one’s head.”

Press it down,

be strong, live it through,

act like nothing’s wrong.

Constant pressure is on me,

dealing with chaos daily.

It’s amazing what a man can do

when fear shapes one’s attitude.

This time I survived,

but what about the next time?

What if it comes and never goes,

would it be real or imaginary?

Planet Earth

Systematic distress

on stressful spaceship,

we all being planted to face,

face what?

Ignorance to be blind,

no desire to search,

just cruising through universe—

all negative sides.

So, give solutions Zeus,

don’t hesitate,

face what?

Struggle is the topic,

rich or poor, not much difference,

benjamins equals attention,

non equals affliction,

every one got same issues,

different stories but same endings,

lack of confidence,

lack of willpower,

lack of words to discribe the feelings,

little time and little finances,

little love and actual friendships,

absence of sincere in everywhere,

honesty is myth from stories we hear,

tears are falling down but we keep moving on,

no thought entertains a mind,

which could lead to better lives.

We should search freedom,

life outside system,

i was programmed to be slave,

now i have a choice to make—

continue to obey

or slay all brainwash.


loving u is complicated,

place blame in you still,

filled with sinned past,

who cast in this world of him,

lines heal his mind,

loose ends he can’t close,

fall into pieces every single time

when wind is blowing strong,

no light breeze nor air movement,

tsunami is coming at him,

next is only thought he had,

what brought him here he asked,

lack of confidence or insecurity,

maybe let-down he served for world,

maybe himself he couldn’t relate,

fuck faith, hope is blind,

no signs where he’s standing tall,

trust me, loving u is complicated,

what were his intentions in this game,

fame got him messed up like hungry kid,

looking for shelter or food to eat

single pennie in the pocket,

how could he buy self respect

when it’s costing more than twenty,

plenty of ignorance critizing his struggle,

feel free, i’m no police to make you stop,

flop or fake but keep going for god sake,

who gives a fuck about your vocabulary

if words are meaningless without action,

be me and do it by yourself,

i know the result before you start,

failing would be your second name,

no question about it.

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